nuthouse in a nutshell

I haven't really spelled out what has been going on in my life lately (two stints at the HCMC psych ward, in its shortest form), just given glimpses and innuendo. Unfortunately, glimpses are basically the only way I can sensibly shed light on the experience, and this will probably be, at least for quite some time, the most light I try to aim in its direction through writing.

First of all, this post is a pretty good summary of my thoughts on the role of psychology/mental health in our world (if you don't know my answer to the rhetorical question at the end of the post, you might be well-served to just stop reading now and use your time some other way.) Those attached to categorizing the recent events in my life as a problem to be solved will usually conclude that it represents a manic episode related to bipolar disorder. I certainly understand that under the currently prevalent medical model, this is a good guess.

However, the mainstream model doesn't fit with my experience. Instead, I feel that the interpretation I referred to in a previous post (make sure you watch both of the videos I linked to) fits better with my recent experience, as well as when I "went crazy" shortly after I got back from Ecuador. Finally, if you wish to obtain any insight into how I understand almost anything about the human mind, and my mind in particular, you will need to be familiar with the ideas in the video I linked to in this post.

Now, I like to consider myself a realist. Very few of you just took almost an hour to watch all those videos, much less time to poke around beyond that. Regardless, please enjoy these three songs which have meant a lot to me as I've been on this journey. (The partial lyrics are those that were particularly relevant to my experience)



Fall Awake by Stuart Davis

I was a curious boy with a wandering mind
on a hungry search undefined
in a rigid school full of concrete thought,
a structured day and all that brought
Logic ground in repeatable facts
my big energy faded back
They gave me far less than they stole
they packed my head and they drained my soul

It was an instant lift, my mind grew light
a lucid dream of a graceful flight
I'm a timeless entity cloaked in skin,
the eye of the universe turning in

It's a world too dense with material toys
and signals laced with a lot of white noise
But there's a place in me that scientists
can't explain so they just get pissed (dismiss)



Unfortunately, I can't embed Gnarls Barkley's Crazy, the best of the three videos in my opinion...

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that's my only advice

You really think you're in control
Well, I think you're crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably




Ready to Start by Arcade Fire

If the businessmen drink my blood
Like the kids in art school said they would
Then I guess I'll just begin again
You say, "can we still be friends?"

If I was scared... I would
And if I was bored... you know I would
And if I was yours... but I'm not

All the kids have always known
That the emperor wears no clothes
But they bow to down to him anyway
It's better than being alone

Now I'm ready to start
I would rather be wrong
Than live in the shadows of your song
My mind is open wide
And now I'm ready to start