My 72 Hour Hold

From: Ryan Gautschi [additional flare & typos by LRBS]
To: HCMC Psych Medical Staff

      Tonight I was placed on a 72-hour hold on the basis of misunderstanding, mistrust, and misapplication of sensible rules.  Overall, I think it was dramatic mistake, and that my accusation that this act violated the Hippocratic Oath-is true in both a mental health and a material sense.  I hope that this letter will belp clarify the situation, and lead to my speedy release from your supervison.
     I have studied psychology for nearly half of my life, an interested sparked by my high school psych teacher's passion and devotion to both his students and his counseling practice.  I understand now given the limited evidence, medical staff could draw any one of several false conclusions about my condition and prognosis I will not lend credence to any of them by listing them here.
     Despite my interest in psychology, I have long held the mental health system at arms length, choosing to deal with my emotional stresses through self-exploration and conversation with my broad network of friends and family.  My cynicism about professionalizing the solution of out mental health program was honed to a razor of resentment by the manner in which I entered the system.  I have always resisted coersion of any sort, and have never placed in handcuffs against my will.  To be dragged by bruised wrists into a system whose merits I doubt was an extremely jarring experience which I may never understand beyond learning how to avoid it, which I have.  But, of before I acted repeatedly on the strong mistrust I was feeling my biggest regret is setting the stage with this opening scene.
     Once I calmed down and accepted my place in the system, I began to experience the sharp and stinging frustration sensible rules being applied to an exceptional experience.  No single doctor or staff member was able to tell me the reason for my continued incareration, get a parade of doctors came by to ask me a couple questions, suggest I take some drugs and move on.  Mean while I tried to adapt from a hectic but generally healthy lifestyle on the outside, to a 11-ring circus of paranoia, anxiety, and depression that is HCMC Psych.  Instead of hummus and pita I got meat loaf and gravy.  Instead of long walks with the dog, I got endless pacing in a fishbowl.  Instead of screen time limited to emails and TED talks, I got the endless drone of commercial television.  It was not hard to imagine that the hospital is actually trying to drive me crazy.  Again, I understand why the rules are as such, but do not appreciate the inflexibility with which they are interpreted, nor the condensation that meets nearly any questioning of them.
    My thoughts have never been well-organized, but to those willing to listen they have always made sense.  I realize lately that I have pushed that distinction past the point where my loved ones feel comfortable, and for that I am sorry.  However, every hour I spend in this place only adds to their hurt and my sorrow.  More concretely, every hour I spend here makes it hared to believe that I will be able to attend classes this semester.  If I am unable to go to class, I will lose several key supports in my life, dramactially adding to my current stress load.  If I  cancel my classes this spring, I don't know how I will find health insurance, help for my pending divorce, career counseling, or even the money for my next trip to the grocery store.  As experienced professionals, you have to realize that this is hardly a recipe for successful recovery of an acute mental health episode cause by a building of everyday stresses.  Staff and services have helped me on my journey of self discovery but they are no longer needed.  I know whom, how, and why to ask for help when I need it.  In the name of the father of modern medicin and his oath, please stop harming me with medical intervention into my personal life.  Please read me.
Thanks,
Ryan Gautschi