Thoughts on Transition (MDS 3001W)

Here are my posts to the discussion of William Bridges' book Transitions. Again, I'll post the original questions, but not my classmates' responses...

1. Explain what the phrase "anatomy of change" might refer to.
2. What does Bridges mean when he writes, "that adulthood unfolds its promise in a rhythm of expansion and contraction, change and stability?" (p.40)
3. What advice would you give to someone who is going through the Neutral Zone?

1. Anatomy is the study of the structure of plants and animals. Presumably the phrase “anatomy of change” is meant to imply that change has a defined structure that is consistent enough from person to person and situation to situation that studying it can yield useful information. I think that this perspective clearly has some value, the sales of his book must indicate as much. However, I think that this idea can be overemphasized. Adapting to changes in your life, grieving, is not a linear process. Nor is it a half-loop with a beginning and an end and three clear phases. That being said, there are many similarities that are worth examining. In my opinion, hearing personally from people going through or having gone through similar responses to change is more valuable than trying to label and dissect the patterns, at least for the “average Joe.”

2. Bridges asserts that the overarching pattern of stability and change is similar in type, and even to a large extent in details about when and how changes manifest, between most adults. Around certain ages our roles and responsibilities change, and we have to readjust our mindset. The most straight-forward argument for this case is the very common shake-up around age thirty. Bridges refers many times to the rites of passage of many traditional cultures at various turning points in life. To me, this is dramatic evidence for the commonality of these experiences.

3. I am at the classic “age thirty transition,” (I took the Holmes-Rahe stress test and scored 536, without any box to check about a natural disaster destroying my house. Hopefully my "adaptability" strength will let me beat the 9:1 odds that I have a major illness in the next two years!) and still very much in the neutral zone. From inside the neutral zone I don't think I have the perspective to offer advice. Also, I don't like to give advice as a rule, especially in generalities or to someone who hasn't asked for it. With those caveats, I'll answer the question... :)

  Try to become comfortable with the ambiguity and confusion, to recognize it is also an opportunity. Take time to really examine your thoughts and feelings. Do something regularly that doesn't allow for a lot of distractions: yoga, meditation, bubble bath, walk in the woods, whatever. Read Bridges' book and Grieving Mindfully by Sameet Kumar. Appreciate your memories and what you learned from what you've lost without trying to hold on to them. Keep your eyes and heart open to new ideas, ambitions, and opportunities that may arise due to your new situation. Don't be afraid to imagine (and work toward) a path/goal that others say is unrealistic. Surround yourself with supportive people who know how to listen.

	I totally agree. Lately I haven't done it much, but I have a long history of making a big "to do" list of everything I have on my plate (many of them not tasks per se). It's interesting you see that as helpful particularly in the neutral zone, I tend to use that approach more in stable times...

[in response to two posts about people sharing too much on facebook/blogs - why would I have this opinion???] It's a side-point and technically it's next week already, so I want to just let this go, but I feel strongly the other way. I think people feeling comfortable sharing their experiences (even when they are challenging and painful) is extremely important. Holding things isn't healthy, so the question is how to get it out. I wish that everyone had a handful or more of people close enough to take big roles in helping them through tough times, but I don't think that's true. By being "too public" they allow many people to take a small role, which may be all most people are able to take. And, if it makes some people uncomfortable, those people can ignore whatever channel of communication pretty easily. This is in contrast to a situation where a friend calls or shows up at your door, where you alone have to face the responsibility of reacting, and the friend faces the (perhaps for many overwhelming) need to make themselves vulnerable enough to ask for help.

You write, "The forces for most of these changes are building until a certain point is reached and the manifestation of them has to be dealt with." I like that observation, and I want to think more about the idea. It makes me think of (what limited understanding I have of) plate tectonics and earthquakes. Also, does your idea imply that improving someone's ability to make minor course corrections as he or she goes would reduce the build-up and prevent or reduce the severity of the disruption later? Or, are those transition points just built into the human life cycle?